And Vijay Says…

Everyone likes their leaders to take fast decisions and then stick by the decision in the face of diversity . They like leaders to be proactive and everyone else to be reactionary. Guess what – that is also how three year olds generally work ! But you don’t want your leaders to behave like a three year old , do you ?

Sadly, this is rather common and many of us would have had a boss who acted this way . I certainly had – more than once !

There are a few things that can (and should ) differentiate a leader from a three year old .

1. Ability to change course when needed

Despite best of intentions, some times we have to take decisions that are awful . But unlike a three year old who would just throw a tantrum when challenged – a leader should listen patiently , weigh options and change course if needed .

The hallmark of good parents – according to my late grandmother – is that they let the young kids win some battles while they always win the war . I think that applies to managers too 🙂

2. Communicate clearly instead of yelling and screaming

I don’t honestly mind leaders swearing occasionally . But I do not think yelling and screaming are hallmarks of a good leader ( or follower) . Neither is public shaming of their followers for a failed strategy .

3. Identify and fix the flawed strategy behind the failed execution

There is no such thing as a great strategy that just failed in execution . Leaders cannot absolve themselves of execution failures . If you didn’t hire the right people or if you misjudged the macro economy – that is on you and your strategy . Accept it , fix it and move on – don’t just blame execution sitting in an ivory tower . Better yet , let your best execution people provide direct input to strategy before you hold them accountable to results .

A lady who was my team leader several years ago used to say “pick your team with the same due diligence as you would when you pick a nanny for your child”. It took me a long time to appreciate what she meant .

4. Accept responsibility (and share credit )

As a leader , you have to delegate authority every time you delegate responsibility . If you say “go for it” and hang back without providing resources to get stuff done – you are in three year old territory .

When my daughter got into trouble when she was a three year old, she would use “it’s daddy’s fault” as her way out . I always thought it was cute and even enjoyed it while it lasted – but that works with kids because they grow up and you have time to fix it . She stopped saying that pretty quickly . The trouble with adults who blame others is that they don’t always “grow up” – it takes a lot more time and effort and often needs intervention from an authority figure .

All that being said , very few people are honest evaluators of themselves . I know that I am not always critical of my flaws, How much ever hard I try . And so, employees who wait for managers to “grow up” seldom see any fruitful results .

Depending on your job situation, there might not be a lot you can do if your manager chooses to be a three year old instead of a leader . This is is why many choose to ignore such managers and try to do their job with blinders on . But – there are many who successfully help change their managers and help them be better leaders . I will share some stories on those brave hearts in another post.

This is by far the most common feedback I have gotten as a manager in my career – more or less in those exact words. And I admit that I have used those exact words with my managers in my early days. It is a challenge for both employees and managers to move past this feeling of bitterness. Both parties need some reality checks usually before they move on.

At some point – most people realize that chasing credit is not a good use of their time. But people take their own time to get to that realization. Here are some random thoughts on how to deal with this.

The more you give, the more you get

As long as they really mean it – I would encourage managers to not withhold giving credit. Caveat : Just don’t give empty praise – that will get viewed as an insult at some point.

Over time, everyone will know who deserved the credit for a given result. So if you steal credit – do so knowing that your reputation will take a hit one day soon, and that you almost instantly will lose the loyalty of the employee from whom you stole the credit. So if you are considering taking more than your fair share of credit – do yourself a favor and stop now.

The repetition problem

Credit essentially means someone says “good job”, and the employee can “cash in the good will” some later day. What usually gets missed in the process is that gratitude from managers and others diminish with repetition. If you pull a rabbit out of a hat – people will applaud. Do it again, and you might get another round of applause. But if you are able to do it again and again – even if it involves great skill, your chance of getting a great round of applause will decrease. Corporate world is not fair – and the sooner we get it, the better our chances of staying sane.

If you need credit – you better keep learning new tricks. And teach the old tricks to the next person in line. You need to do both – if you learn new tricks without training someone in the old tricks, you will be stuck with the old and new job.  As counter intuitive as it might sound at first – you won’t go very far up the chain if you make yourself irreplaceable. Not everyone wants to move up – but then they should reduce their expectation of seeking explicit gratitude for what they think as exceptional work. Did I say it is a very unfair world ?

Knowing when to say yes and no

Saying yes to everything is a sure shot way of making sure people give you absolutely no credit pretty soon. And then it becomes really hard to cope with the ensuing bitter feeling. This is typically what happens to the “nice” people.  I still fail at this more often than I succeed.

You have to learn to say no when you need to – and you need to stand firm.

Being a nice person is not the sole reason to say yes all the time – sometimes it is just fear. Some managers rule by fear. And sometimes the manager will be quite ok, but the employee will be afraid nevertheless (usually a “once bitten , twice shy” case). But you seriously need to get over it – or else people will walk all over you.

I like to say yes most of the time. I will say yes as long as it is reciprocated . But if I see the behavior is one way only – I start evaluating more before I say yes or no. With my managers – I adapt more given I know they have a more complex schedule than my own. But even there – if I see back to back repetitions of one-way behavior, I will start being cautious of what I say yes to.  It is not something I have mastered – and a lot of variables are at play in any situation. But I certainly say no to things way more today than I did 10 years ago.

There is always a bull market somewhere

If all your efforts fail and you are miserable – you should remember that there is always another team, another manager or another company that might value you. And you don’t need to wait till you are miserable to start that search.

I always encourage people to know your second line managers well. The very best managers I have had in my career always were happy to introduce me to their bosses. If your second line manager does not have time for you ever, it is usually not a good situation for you. Don’t walk – run 🙂 . If your direct manager does not have time for you – then don’t just run – you should fly !

Pay it forward

The best managers I worked for in my career never hesitated to give me credit when I did something good. They also kicked my butt (sometimes real hard) when needed. And they encouraged me to do the same for the people I managed. It still took me a good while to see the “pay it forward” way of looking at it. I know first hand by now that it works very well over time – and it is very gratifying to have played a small part in someone else’s success and happiness.